Looking Back at the Past 10 Years of Being in the 20s.

 2014 - 2016 

Friendship, Responsibilities, Internship, First Taste of Travelling, & Finally Graduating

If there's something that I am so bad at, it's keeping a friendship alive. And if I didn't meet Husna, Micha, MZ, Icha & Fatin back then, I'll be the pathetic who didn't have a single long-time friend until now. Masih banyak yang aku perlu belajar tentang keeping a friendship alive. Especially now that it's not the same anymore, we can't meet each other often as before but somehow, along the way, I feel that each of us learn the new way to be each other's rock even if we aren't necessary be talking to each other every time anymore. I'm glad that they came in my little room, when I have no roommate and disrupt what I once called as "peace" but now what I realize it's me alienating myself from the world, because I suck, big time at friendship. Friendship is still hard for me, somehow I still suck at it until now, but if without them, I'll be a total loser at it. 

Talking about responsibility, it's none other than MEDTECH. Lol. My life in UTP revolve so much around the club. From juggling with club responsibilities, to spending a lot of time having so much fun with the club members. I was so involved and I felt like I need to give 110% every time, without fail. Of course, I was happy to do so, because I enjoyed every thing that I experienced. And when I finally let go of club position, I faced another reality of being a responsible student. It took me years to realize and the result ain't so pretty. I have some sort of regret before but really, looking back, I know that everything that I have experienced, shaped who am I today. And for that, I own up everything that I have done and decisions that I have taken at that time. 

I had difficulties scoring an internship placement. I still remember feeling so hopeless when one by one, my classmates get their offer letter but nothing came in to my Inbox. But indeed, Allah's plan is the most profound. I might got the offer late, but when it did came, I got a placement nearby. Stayed at Atok & Opah house in Kampar and travel to work to Simpang Pulai everyday. At the start of it, I remember Atok being so anxious and insist to send me to and fro everyday but his old age couldn't have handled it. Allah made it easy for me again, there's a neighbour that travel to Ipoh everyday so I got a lift. But the best of it is definitely the daily bus ride to go back to Kampar. Seeing familiar faces, never talked but we somehow shared something in our life. Oh, not to forget, my internship is the start of me getting acquainted with Dr Jose as my supervisor, whom I still keep in contact with until today.  

I have a lot excursions in these 3 years, made many trips with friends but the special one got to be; Singapore for SEA Games 2015 opening (first overseas trip!) and Korea trip  before entering final year will be the  most memorable. I remember the excitement of making a passport for the Singapore trip. It was nothing fancy honestly, we went for SEA Games opening, stroll around the Garden By The Bay. A humble trip because Husna and I were two broke students haha. Off to our second travel, it was after our internship. Our destination? Korea, specifically Seoul, Busan and Jeju. The best memory is none other than meeting Kyuri unnie at the guesthouse we stayed in. She brought us around, kept saying that we're "Lucky Girls" because somehow, we don't have to wait long for bus, every time. The wind tho.... they're violent. I also remembered the funny scene of the ahjussi getting drunk while we're having the supper. It's not even strong drink but he turned red and got so tipsy that he became funnier than he originally was. 

Back from our trip, we were welcomed with our final year life. It was....rough haha. FYP was hard but what made my life a havoc during that time was our E&P subject. I remember staying until late at night in the lab because we have to use Petrel and our lame laptop can never haha. There was one time that we got chased out by the security guard during the round. Unforgettable moments truly. FYP was fun, my supervisor is again Dr. Jose, which was cool. He is so supportive so it's kind a breeze for me, despite not getting good grades. During our first fieldwork, we actually stayed there until it was too dark to see! But nonetheless, I've learnt a lot from him, his dedication and his love for the knowledge is truly commendable. After what it feels like an eternity, we finally graduated!!! I was finally a degree holder after 5 years of work (and play haha). 

2017 

Unemployment, Almost Fell into Depression and WINNER

After the graduation, I planned to take a 3 months break before I started to search for job. My logic at that moment? I started my university life after a short 2 weeks break after SPM, so I deserve the much needed break. And sure enough I have a VERY long 'break' aka unemployment after graduation. I can't remember the details now, I guess my mind just refuse to recall the darkest and the lowest I have ever felt in my life. Getting rejected was even a honor, at that time. Because most of the time, I don't even got any respond for my applications. Going to interview was dreadful, because I can't stand the feeling of waiting for the result after the interview. It was so hard. 

One by one, I saw my friends updating their first job and they are doing great but I was still stuck in my room, can't even go out of it because I felt ashamed to face my mother, my father. I was living off them, like a biawak hidup. Wow, reliving that memories, really....it feels hard even now. When I started the job hunting, I was only searching for geology related career. But it was proven hard and I have a bad CGPA to top. At one point, I started to broaden my search. And even after broadening my search, I couldn't score a job. From being able to happily congratulate my friends on getting their well deserved job, I became resentful and can't even bring myself to be happy for them, not anymore. After I notice that I was becoming more and more resentful, I decided at that point that I needed to get off social media, and so I did. A decision that I am grateful for until now. 

Time pass, and it get harder and harder for me to regulate my emotion. I still remember how I feel like I didn't even deserve to eat because I was useless. A useless daughter. A parasite. And I started to lock myself in the room. Eat only when I really cannot go on with starving myself. Shit, this is so hard to write. I didn't stop searching for job but even the act of it felt useless because I was getting nowhere. Until one day, my mom dragged me out of the room and she said "Keluar dari bilik tu, jangan terperuk di dalam. Kamu boleh dapat kemurungan kalau macam ni". And that was THE moment for me. The moment that I realize that I cannot go on living like that. I snapped out of it and started to build my strength again to fight the demon in me.

I am also thankful that at that time, I got WINNER. They were the happy pills for me. Following their schedules, their every guesting, their every appearance of whatever medium it is became the thing that I anticipated everyday. Even though if I looked back now and think that I should have used that time to get closer to Allah, I do regret that I missed that chance, I missed that calling. But no matter what I have decided to do in the past, I believed that they shaped who am I today. Time wouldn't turn back but if I might say any words to any young-ins going through that moment and their life and you have somehow find the joy in fangirling like me,  I would just say, do it moderately. Obsession in any way is bad, but at the 'right' dose, it'd bring so much joy. 

After all the ups and downs, after so many silent tears, I finally got the call that I was waiting for. In September 2017, I started my working life as a management trainee at Esquel Malaysia Sdn. Bhd. And I found another roadblock in life, my self esteem has been hurt and I lost confidence. 

2018 - 2020 

Reclaiming Self Esteem, Vietnam, Covid Era, Losing Job

As I started the first job, I realize, the 9 months period of unemployment has killed my self esteem. I realized at that time that I couldn't socialize as easily. I flinched at the thought of after work activity. I ate alone during lunch dreading the conversation that I might have to do if I were to eat with my colleague. It was rough, it was tiring, it was just stressing me out. But His plan is indeed the best. I joined the company as a management trainee. The first 6 months? It was basically a honeymoon period for me. I just needed to learn about the company and its business at that time. And thankfully, my superior at that time is cool with me being that annoying introvert who just kept quiet and just go about my day and back. And thankfully as well, he let me explore things by my own without pressuring me too much. Alhamdulillah. Next few months was even easier because 2 other MT joined me, so I wasn't so alone.

My first company isn't as glamorous as my friends but is it the best for me? Alhamdullillah, yes! Despite being a traditional industry, they have allowed me to explore a lot of things, learning so much about lean manufacturing, its principle and its tools. They are definitely not stingy in providing trainings to their MT. Oh the number of trainings that I have at that company? I lost count. They even okay-ed me going to R training. Like who even does that even though the company wasn't going to that route? My biggest achievement in the 3 rotation would be the pay scheme conversion for Wrinkle Free department. Oh boy the work was so rough, there's just a lot to be done but when they scheme was finally live? THE SATISFACTION IS UNMATCHED! Time passed, rotation after rotation passed and in my last rotation, I was given the chance to go to Viet Nam for the IMT program. And off I go to Vietnam in June 2019. 

Viet Nam was.... amazing! That 6 months was a period of time in my life that I have been missing even until now. I remember the nerve (and joy) while preparing for the assignment. I bought such a large suitcase that is now annoyingly sitting under my bed bcs it was tooo damn big to bring anywhere haha. But yeah, I was going to be away for 6 month at that time so do I have a choice really? Haha. Esquel Malaysia business was woven shirt. But the sister company in Viet Nam produced knit shirt so I have a lot of fun learning new products. And we didn't have any dyeing facility in EGM so there, I also learnt dyeing process. It was just a lot of fun discovering new things, really. Not forgetting learning their working culture because boy, was it different than here in Malaysia? The bit that I like the most is the monthly fruit party hahaha. Summing up my experience there in few paragraphs won't be fun because I really was doing everything that I can in that short 6 months time so probably I would save that in another piece (if they kerajinan come that is). Especially the travelling bits because your homegirl travelled to more than 6 destinations. Lol. Oh how I wish I can go back to visit this year. Hopefully, my plan comes true, amin!

After I came back to Malaysia, I was so damn excited to join in my permanent department. After much contemplating, I have chosen Wrinkle Free mainly because my best work friend who just clicked so well with me was there. There were a lot of improvement project that we discussed and we were just so damn excited to carry them out. In the first 5 months I joined in the department, we managed to complete the FIFO project and was onto another one, well, that is until Covid hit. And came another wave of trials in my life. It was the total lockdown. Since apparel manufacturing wasn't considered as the essential business, our factory was also not allowed to operate so I went back to Ipoh after they announce the lockdown. Takkan aku nak bertapa kat Penang, ye dak? And as usual, when I am back home, I woke up late. One day, after ~1 month of lockdown, I woke up to Esquel Malaysia Closure of Business notice. I was numb. I was crushed. A lot of thought surged in my brain. HOW AM I GOING TO PAY MY COMMITMENTS??? was the biggest shout in my head. I spent a solid 2 days of feeling so lost. I didn't even break the news to my parents. Not until my brother read the news and shared it in my family Whatsapp group. (TMI but my brother used to work in PERKESO so he was extra attentive to this kind of news lol). So I was basically forced to finally 'face' it. Like, telling my parents and everything. I was trying to buy time to calm my own heart but my bro had no tact hahaha. 

And so, that is how another period of unemployment happen. But this time, I already have experienced so it was easier in a way. And alhamdulillah, I didn't have to worry about paying the commitment because there's moratorium and Job Search Allowance (link) (EIS benefit). PSA: Ensure that your employer pay your EIS contribution! After countless applications, after close to 20 interviews, alhamdulillah I managed to get a job.

2021 - 2023

Job Hopping and Family

Oh wait, looking back, I changed job 3 times in these 3 years? OMG. I hope there's no HR reading up on this one. Sept 2020 - Sept 2021 Teleflex, Oct 2021 - August 2022 Plexus and starting Oct 2023, I am in Pentamaster Mediq. Hopping from one company to another made me improved in my adaptation skill. Especially now that I am considered as experienced hire and the expectation on a experienced here is no longer the same as to what's expected from a young graduate hire. I started my career in garment manufacturing and my second one was medical device manufacturer. My third one? I changed industry again, now an electronic CM building PCBA and HLA. My latest one is back to medical device but manufacturing different product than what I was exposed to in my second company. I have never jumped in same business nature, so I have never really deep dive into technicality of the industries but experiencing these over the years have allowed me to open my eyes into different things. Heck, I graduated with Petroleum Geoscience degree, alright. Haha. 

Even though the business nature, product, industry and technicality are different between the industries and the companies, if there's anything that is the same, no matter where you go, it's the communication and connecting skills that will bring you somewhere. And I have not been great at it, especially in creating connections with people. I guess I will always be a work-in-progress in this section because boy oh boy, I find it so hard to be open and be vulnerable. Anyway, honestly, at this point, I have lost desire to climb the ladder. I just wanted to pay off my debt and when I am done with it, watch me quit this line of work and find a job that allow me to not wreck my brain off. I'm thinking either security guard or a hairdresser. I am not even kidding, alright. 

Another main thing in this 3 years, is I have really see the reality of family will always be the one that sticks with you. I spent my teen years and my early 20s with friends. Even if I suck at friendship, I am always around friends instead of my family. I have always heard that one day, you will eventually realize that in the end, family are the one that will be with you. My friends now have their own families, their own priorities. Our friendship has evolve into another kind of friendship. It's not that we are not friends anymore, but we have changed the way we are being friends. If before this, we often gather, the frequency has now understandably reduced because now, we prioritized our family more, even me who is someone who didn't start my own family. I now find spending time with my parents, up a few level of importance than making plan with friends. Are they not important anymore? Nope, I still love my friends but my parents are getting older and older. I also love spending time with my nieces and nephews so there's that. I do hope I'd get to spend time with my home girls every other times more in the next decade tho. Haha. 

Phew, I finally finished reflecting the past 10 years. This wasn't easy too write, especially the part where I have to relive the moment in time when I almost fell into depression, but writing this has also made me realize how far I've come and how I have so much to be grateful for. How beautiful is Allah's plan for each of us? Here's to the next decade of my life, the decade that I am so excited for! 

I am now 30!