First decade of my life, I have the best years of getting scars over failing off the bike cause I was riding it a tad bit too fast. Got my knee scraped over falling while running, playing catch with friends. Played in the rain countless times and sometimes got a fever from it. Make my own roundest bat from random wood that we found, make my own kite from old newspaper and fly them high up the sky (and get mom angry sometimes because her thread has gone MIA). Used my body to the max to play; badminton, roundest, galah panjang, zero point, lubang tikus, cop tiang and many others. Sang my heart out in the playground, competing to see who sounded the best. On a slow day, we played paper planes, osom, enjet-enjet semut, batu seremban, tutup tin and 5 perkataan. Wow, the list is really endless and I spent so much time outside. We will only come back to the house when it’s getting dark or until Mak be like “BALIKKKK”. My favorite memories from childhood gotta be when my dad and I sneak out for errands. Because I was the only child at that time that could converse a bit in English, whenever my dad wanted to bring me out alone, he would whisper-talk to me in English haha. My parents also brings us to the waterfalls/streams a lot when it’s not the rainy season. We would be like “Abah nak pergi Salu” and if he was not working, he would make time to bring us to play. In short, I have the best childhood one can ever ask for. Alhamdulillah.
The second decade, the adolescence, the entahlah period. I have always been the child who kept things from her parents. There’s one time when I scraped my knees from falling down. And it actually got infected to the point the pus is actually covering my knee cap. I can’t even bend my leg from it, but I did not say a word to my parents until they actually noticed that I was walking funny and brought me to the clinic and I still have a scar from this. Well, this became worse in my adolescence. I was in the boarding school so you can imagine how little I talk to my parents. Aku bukanlah jenis budak yang akan bergayut dekat public phone tu everyday. Entahlah now that I try to remember what I actually did in those year at Igop, I’ll be like okay what? I wouldn't say I didn't learn anything from school. Tarbiyyah aku kebanyakannya bermula daripada Igop. Cuma it didn't stick until after I left. And since I sucks at being friends, I don't really have high school friends that I can still call close friends now (it's totally me btw). So bila aku recall the years in Igop now, I always ask myself like what did I do wrong? I did great in term of grades, I had fun during schools doing some silly stuff. It is a defining moment of sealing off my character building time tho, and it sealed me off as a withdrawn and unpassionate one.
Came the third decade, my chaotic 20s haha. Which I wrote a whole blogpost for, my 20s.
And now, it’s time to cruise the 4th decade and being in the 30s. To some, turning 30 is dreadful. While for some, it is an excitement. And I am in the “Excited 30” camp. Since last year, I was already like, I CAN’T WAIT TO BE IN MY 30s! The reason are honestly nothing grand but first and foremost, insyaAllah, God’s willing, I will finish paying off my debt in 2026. Both my car and MARA eduloan. So I’ll be left with only my medical card and hibah as my monthly financial commitment. With this, I can finally carry on my plan to make a big career shift to something that is more skill based. I am now fixed on hairdressing but this might change. In any case, I don’t want to do white collar job anymore. Penat jaga orang, penat perah otak. I rather perah otak doing writing. Which brings me to my second goal to achieve in my 30s.
I want to write. Me updating my blogs after being dormant for a long time got to do with this plan. I want to get used to write again. I want to pour my heart into words. I want to turn the scenarios in my head, my imagination and even the dreams in my sleep into paragraph after paragraph, scene after scene. I have always loved writing but I have been keeping it at bay because I sucks at time management before and I keep giving excuses, so yeah, no more of that and more of executing. I have learnt in my past decades that if I want something, I have to keep it going.
Since I will be having significantly lower financial commitment, I can finally save more for travelling insyaAllah. For this, I am planning to move back to Ipoh after I finish paying off my debts so that I don’t have to spend money to pay rent anymore.(Let’s stay with the parents haha). InsyaAlah, it will be a way for me to be closer to my parents and help them when needed as well, may I become a child that has the patience to deal with my ageing parents. So the plan is travel and parents. GAHHHHH I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!
And the most important focus in my 30s is finding peace and accepting who I am as a person and striving to improve myself as a Muslim. I definitely goof around a lot in my 20s and it is time for me to now turn back to Him, running to Allah and seeking His blessing. I want to fall in love with Rasulullah, I want to submit to Allah and be steadfast on His path. I want to read the Quran, do tadabbur and understand the tafseer. And so I have a lot of lessons to listen to, a lot of readings to do. And I want to use my 30s focusing on these instead of using my time to watch entertainment. I won’t be able to cut it off fully but I want to use significant 80% of my time to ‘reach’ Him and let it be 20% of time for the duniawi stuff. I want to taste the halawatul iman and I have to strive for it and from what I have learnt in the past 3 decades, in this 4th, insyaAllah I wil use all of the lesson, be it good or bad, to be better in this 4th. I want to be 30 and close to Him. I want to be 30 and finally be free. Free of fear of judgement, free of FOMO, free of anything that’s been holding me off to be freer and better.
I might not know everything about life, but I know better than before and I hope with all the knowledge, life lessons and experiences I’ve gained, this decade, my 30s will be the best time of life, yet. If my 20s is all about me searching for fun and finding a footing in adulthood, insyaAllah in this 30s, I will use my time to be myself. Ease for me ya Allah, allow me to be the best of me.
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