Put the Same Effort! and More!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Probably unknown to many, alhamdulillah that Allah Al-Sitteer, the one that conceals, conceals what I have been obsessed with from most people, except when I wronged myself and expose my own sins to the others. I would not go into details, but let just say here that I was way too obsessed with entertainment, music and fandom to be exact. 

I know now that I really shouldn’t be doing what I have done, to the point of effort that I have put in. Especially when I have not put an ounce of effort to fulfil my obligations as an abd’ that time. The times that I will never get back, and the effects of sin that lingers, is now something that has become that flint that got stuck in the flesh. It hurts and it’s agonizingly bad. 

I wrote this in a reflection of an episode of Juz 30 for 30 that I listened to (in Ramadhan btw - this post has been sitting in my draft for so long and for what haha) where they discussed Juz 4 with the theme of True Success and the Rope of Allah. When Dr Tamara Gray tells the story about Ikramah, it just struck me. All of his past sin was forgiven by Allah when he accepted Islam but that wasn’t enough for him. He then proceeded to put in as much effort and more in Islam as he did when he was fighting against Islam, but now for Islam.

It has stricken me that I have spent way too much time and effort on worldly matters, especially entertainment, to the point, it has stolen the time I should have spent to worship Allah. Countless time I have delayed my solah when I actually can pray it on time but somehow "I've got no time" or "I'm busy, let's perform it one hour later". Worst, I put them off because I was too "busy" watching drama. Busy.Watching.Drama. Busy.Watching.Some.Kpop Group. Time is one thing, but remembering the effort that I used to put into fangirling, all the money... ya Allah, forgive me and let me not do that again. Allow me to put the same effort and more into exalting You, ya Rabb.

Putting this link under so that I can rewatch this whenever I re-read this reflection, insyaAllah. 

103:1 - 103:3 (Al-Asr) إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ.وَٱلْعَصْر. إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَفِى خُسْرٍ

By the ˹passage of˺ time! Surely humanity is in ˹grave˺ loss, except those who have faith, do good, and urge each other to the truth, and urge each other to perseverance. — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran.

A Stressfull Week

I haven't been having this much stress due to work for such a long time already. I have been working at my current workplace for just a bit more than 6 months now. Usually it's just quiet days, even if there's many tasks, it is still manageable. Probably due to the fact that I have no mass production mode pressure yet. Honestly, it was a breeze 90% of the time.

But this week really got me so stressed out that I have to resort to morning coffee. I have been living without morning coffee for so long already but due to a case happening involving my operators, I broke my morning coffee "fasting". 

I have been thinking about the incident for the whole week and I still can't get over it. I have never felt so useless and incompetent at work before but they have made me felt just that. The fact that I was near them when the fight happen and I didn't manage to stop them. And the very fact that, part of the reason why the fight stemmed was due to my work arrangement. 

I have been getting the feeling that they didn't really regard me as their supervisor and the respect wasn't there but honestly, I don't care much. As long as they did their job, I am cool. But I guess, I am wrong. I need to do more. I am aware that respect is earned so I'll have to put more work into it. 

As I am writing this, I am just having flashback of not only the incident but also all the talks surrounding it and ughhhh I hate it so much like seriously. Dah la kerja lain pun banyak, and then they add MSG like this, it's really has been one hell of a week. Hopefully next week is better insyaAllah.